Lyric - She's My Baby Girl by Venus Pierson 11.20.15

She's My Baby Girl

 

He came sliding up the drive in a cloud of dust

 

We clambered out the door to se what's all the fuss

 

He's sporting his shades and a baseball cap

 

Desire in his eyes, flapping his jaws, feeding her lines

 

I know it sounds like crap

 

***He's come to date my baby girl

Once ribbons, bows and bouncing curls

she's my heart, my love, my reason to breathe

Now he's stealing her away oh I can't believe

This day would come

This child has grown into an exception, beautiful young woman

I just can't believe

This day would come

I can't hold back these tears

Washing my soul with fears

 

Who's this dude all dressed in black?

 

Neck to toe, so sleek

 

Minty fresh breath, straight teeth, but his hand shake is weak

 

Kohl eye line and modeled hair-do

 

Manicured hands, dewey glossed lips

 

Dose this Cosmo guy know just who is who?

 

***He's come to date my baby girl

Once ribbons, bows and bouncing curls

she's my heart, my love, my reason to breathe

Now he's stealing her away oh I can't believe

This day would come

This child has grown into an exception, beautiful young woman

I just can't believe

This day would come

I can't hold back these tears

Washing my soul with fears

 

What's that beat blasting from the high boy pick up truck?

 

Tight fittin' jeans, cowboy hat, WOW! Just my luck...

 

Chewing on licorice, red twizzlers, her favorite I'm sure he knows

 

All the little tricks to pull her in close

 

This cowboy has skills. His smile, his charm, back woods trails, and dirt paved hills

 

***He's come to date my baby girl

Once ribbons, bows and bouncing curls

she's my heart, my love, my reason to breathe

Now he's stealing her away oh I can't believe

This day would come

This child has grown into an exception, beautiful young woman

I just can't believe

This day would come

I can't hold back these tears

Washing my soul with fears

 

What's a mother to do to protect her priceless gift?

Put a smile on her face, pep-talk, advice, some emotional lift

for her baby girl

Now a dating young woman trying to take on the world

She's confident and strong; thinks she knows just where she belongs

But hidden dangers are everywhere

I am her mother, her protector

So I promise to be there

When she feels she needs a gentle touch

When she needs a hug or love from a mother is never too much

 

She's my baby girl

An exceptional woman now facing the world

 



Lyric - "Hated"

Lyric - “Hated” by Suneve 11.7.15

No one understands what I’m all about

I’ve cried through the night full of fear and doubt

Feeling all alone

Isolated on my bedroom floor

Why can’t anyone hear my cries?

When I’m screaming in my dreams

Stomping on the ground

Throwing my arms up into the skies!

Asking God “What did I do?”

I can’t handle this!

You’ve got to take this away!

This pain I have is so deep inside

I have no pride!

I’m nothing at ALL. I’m telling the world.

There’s nowhere to hide.

The despair is real

This is how I feel

I’m lost, I’m low

Empty and slow to feel alive

No happiness inside

I’m shaken and torn

From the violent storms

I call my life

Shattered hearts, faded memories

Missing persons of my family

Keepmy heart in chains and locks

Where time froze on clocks

Hypnotize me and take me to the past

Give me answers to free my soul at last

Can I fix those wounds

From the scars I made?

We all make mistakes that will ever last

People say you can’t live in the past

But I have loved ones there

I have damage to repair

I’m frightened. I’m scared

Most days I just don’t care

If the sun will rise

I’ve done my time

If it’s his plan to keep me here

I need to be brave and face these fears

Its my life to live day by day

With God’s grace and my humble prayer

The struggle is real

The struggle is mine

It’s a daily choice

To keep moving on

So let’s hit the road…

It’s a brand new day.

 

What Can We Learn From Robin William's Suicide?

I personally used to think that suicide was a selfish act. That you were punishing the people you left behind to deal with your mess. To handle their own sorrow. The remainders of your complicated life are left on the shoulders of the surviving family and friends that loved you so dearly.

As my life began to unravel with complicated medical problems, uncontrollable pain, financial poverty and a life-long history of genetically derived depressive disorders the idea of suicide became a full-time ideation as a way to control what had become uncontrollable.

 

I first began experiencing suicidal thoughts after my first child was born. Most people consider this as “The Baby Blues”. Hormones are flexing up and down at a crazy rate. I was put on the medication amitriptyline to treat the depression, but it made me too sleepy to take care of my child so I stopped taking the medication. I was only 19 years old at this time and had no idea how to advocate for myself or how to navigate these new feelings.

My resolve  during my maternal episodes of depression was the continuous thinking to myself “Nobody is going to love my children like I do.” I would often think about which family members I would ask to adopt my children or who might offer to provide for my children if suicide was my plan back then, but I couldn’t answer those questions. My father once gave me the solution to just give them all up for adoption to solve my problem of stress and financial burden, but I couldn’t do that either. The answer for me was still the same. Nobody could love MY children the way I do.

 

“The truth is that suicide is complicated, and the combination of circumstances, emotions and motivations that precede a suicide attempt will be different for each person. While many people who kill themselves have been experiencing the extreme distress we might think of as depression, that’s not always the case and is rarely the whole explanation.

 

People have been known to kill themselves as a consequence of intense shame, or because they see no way out of a moral dilemma or a future that appears bleak. Many who attempt suicide may not really want to die, but seek instead to escape unbearable psychic pain. There are those with ongoing difficulties who may, in part – and perhaps misguidedly given the often profound effect of a suicide on the person’s family – be seeking to release another from what they see as a burden.

 

And although it may be uncomfortable to think about, for some people the motivations may involve anger as well as desperation. It is important to be open to the range of meanings of a suicidal act and to acknowledge that those left behind may also experience complex and sometimes bitter feelings.

Invoking the idea of illness can sometimes be helpful, but it isn’t the only way of connecting to people’s despair and of offering compassion and help without making value judgements. An alternative is simply to recognise that people can have a tough time. Surely that should be enough.” *

Now that I am aging and a more mature adult the idea of suicide is more real than ever. My kids are grown into adults  so the need for me is not as great. As the kids grew so has my own depression. For  every mistake, for every failure, for every divorce, for every bad body image, for every ache and pain.  This also includes for all of my dreams I didn’t fulfill, for all the questions my parents never answered, for all the things I still want to do but feel like they are empty clouds of glitter filled fantasies.

I was a hard worker for 29 years of my life that suddenly skidded to a halt. The stress of my 27 year old son being stabbed multiple times over drugs and almost losing his life took an emotional toll on me that I never expected. I felt like a freight train wrecked my ripped me apart. A month later my 17 year old daughter had been experimenting with a prescription drug overdose!  My life froze and began playing in slow motion frames.

I lived in Texas while my children lived in Utah but I trekked home to stabilize my daughter. Once she was home  and back in school I returned to Texas a completely shattered person. My foundation as an individual was turned to dust. My inner soul and spirit completely torn to shreds. My body could not understand what was happening so it too gave in to the anxiety, to the inflammation, to the nerve damage, to the scoliosis, to the facet joint disorder, to the hip dysplasia, to the migraines, to the depression, and to the mother FFF***ing PAIN!

I lost my job after 6 months of short term disability. I lost my income when I lost my job. I have applied for Social Security disability but that is a long and hard road to travel. So I have no income, no insurance, no prescription benefits and a whole lot of difficulties that tell me to make the choice of  putting a gun to my head or filling my gut full of pills.

Sometimes suicide feels like the only option.

 

Understanding Depression

Understanding Depression

You are NOT alone. People do understand and many people do NOT understand the depth and power of depression. Please feel free to add to the topic, discussions and community. Loved ones need to know and understand our experiences. Our support systems need to become our life lines!

Q:   Who are depressed people?

A:    According to the National Institute of Mental Health “In 2013, an estimated 15.7 million adults aged 18 or older in the U.S. had at least one major depressive episode in the past year. This represented 6.7 percent of all U.S. adults.”

Q:How do some people handle depresssion?

A: “A person living with depression does not always have the same thoughts as a healthy person. This chemical imbalance can lead to the person not understanding the options available to help them relieve their suffering. Many people who suffer from depression report feeling as though they've lost the ability to imagine a happy future, or remember a happy past. Often they don't realize they're suffering from a treatable illness, and seeking help may not even enter their mind. Emotions and even physical pain can become unbearable. They don't want to die, but it's the only way they feel their pain will end. It is a truly irrational choice. Suffering from depression is involuntary, just like cancer or diabetes, but it is a treatable illness that can be managed.”